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How to derail expectations

We all understand how life gets as an adult. We board this train of life and we do not ask questions. We convince ourselves that when we arrive at our destination, we will find happiness as if the train has no windows, views, smells, memories, and surprises along the way. I scroll social media and find so many people are quick to buy a ticket to their happiness but then complain when they arrive, or get off the train before the last stop. Let me explain...

As a Mother, we tend to have very few friends that match our personal schedules, yet we expect our friends to reach out still. Ask how we are, invite us out places, and essentially we are relying on and expecting them to do to us as we would for them. That is not the truth though, and not a single person is as unique as you are.

Although in our minds we may think its barbaric to not consider anothers emotions involved, Its also barbaric to assume others always have the time or mental capacity to flow so freely within the friendship. Others may not have been raised the same, lack social skills unless plastered from patron, and/or are just down right toxic to your life and energy. We expect these individuals time and time again to value us the way we would them. We post memes and subliminal statuses on facebook towards those friends as if that changes anything. We use manipulative tactics like guilt to make them FEEL how they made us feel. So who is toxic? You, or your friend that hasn't called you? Are you sure its rejection, or is it redirection because that person was not able to ADD value to your life? Is it a loss or is it an opportunity to find others with a heart similar to your own?

I learned to drop my expectations by asking myself honest questions. Are my feelings hurt? Do I feel alone? Am I relying on another being to support my own happiness? Has anything ever came up in my life that made me cancel plans or fail to check in with a friend? Is my friend in the right mental state to be out with me? Am I in the right mental state? Is my friend exhausted or dealing with their own demons? Did they fail their math exam, Did they recently get an unexpected bill. Are they stressed? Is this a pattern with that person? If its a pattern, YOU are the constant and have complete control so who is to blame?

The list could go on and on, but the point is that being disappointed by the fact that others do not see out of the same window as I do, doesn't mean my destination will be any less meant for me. It also doesn't mean that their decision was meant to destroy you or that they are a bad person incapable of empathy. That can only occur when you hand your power over and expect others to ride the same train as you.

Just because you bought a ticket on this train of life, doesn't mean that the seat next to you will always be filled with a familiar friend. Sometimes it will be a stranger... and that stranger just might have the same heart as you. Ask questions, drop expectations, and board the train regardless of the destination because I can promise you that when you stop seeking outside validation, you find happiness within and the destination no longer matters.

You are loved Infinitely!

Sat Nam

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